Happy Anniversary, Love.

define time;
the thing that is measured as seconds, minutes, hours, days and even years.
people said either time could go too slow or too swift, too long or too short,

it all depends on what we really feel in that particular time.

for example, when we feel happy, time tends to elapse faster because we enjoyed it. 

otherwise, when we have some difficulties, time goes a little slower than ever.

we can easily measure the amount of time,

but how to 'measure' time in terms of love?

when we are undoubtely in love, time becomes an unmeasureable thing; time is infinite.

it flies over us and sometimes we didn't realize, it just happened.

we've been through a lot of things together in just a year: the upside & the downside, 

and i cannot put them all into a nice paragraph.

but there is one thing i know for sure, that i feel much happier when i'm with you.

and i thank God for such comfort i've been experiencing daily since you asked me out for a lunch that day on October last year, and it brought me into a realization that i want to spend more time with you, and sure those 365 days won't be enough.

so why don't we spend more time together?

let's measure it in our own timeless ways,

let's strengthen each others in all pain & sorrow,

let's hold on to each others a little longer,

let's, just let's love with all that we had, have and will have.

happy anniversary, love.

13/12/14 - 13/12/15 ❤

13 x 6.

No, it is not a post about multiplication or math problem.

It is a little appreciation post about me & my boyfriend's six months-versary (?)
I know it's waaaaay too late to post about it (almost two weeks has passed since June 13th tho). I got plenty things to do, my thesis proposal is getting more complicated, got no time to write on this blog and other excuses blahblahblah that's why I didn't make it on d-day, but I guess it's better late than never, right?

Anyway, he gave me a little surprise that day. A bucket of pretty flowers.

It may seems nothing special but the thing is, he's not really fond of flowers. Even though I kept asking for it and told him many times before that I really f-a-n-c-y flowers, he never gave me once, not even on my birthday — well.. at least he finally did it. Never knew he could turn to be this romantic kind of guy on our special occasion. He even told me that my smile was kind of unforgettable that day, right after I saw those flowers :))))
So here's my lame (and also cringe-worthy) attempt to express my feelings for him:

To the one whom I spent most of my times with for the past six months;
Who holds my hand and take me to this on-going awesome journey;
Who sticks with me through ups and downs (in terms of my current mood LOL);
Who appreciates me for who I really am;
The person whom I think about the first thing in the morning and the last thing at night;
Who makes distance seems short and bearable lately (still trying my best tho);
The one who encourages me to become a better person;
Whose affection elevates me;
And whose arms protect me from bad things and sorrows.

Selamat tanggal 13 yang ke-6. I love you, Agi.
Let's spend more time happily together! ❤

Quatre.

to this very day, I still wonder how things are gonna be;
how WE are gonna be if I didn't ask you the question that night, four months ago.
would we still belong together?
or would we end up differently?

been thinking about it for, I don't know, these past few sleepless nights.
what if I didn't ask you that night?
what if I let the opportunity slip away?
what if... well too many what-if(s) to be very honest.

I know I should keep my true thought locked up somewhere,
but I, once again, let myself filled my heart with these uncertain feelings,
and this piece of thought, that we might have grown apart in our own pathways.
(well, even just the thought itself scares the hell out of me..)

but somehow, my (naive) heart is now trying to convince myself that I did the right thing,
asked you the question about us,
about what we were that time.

I don't know where is life taking us,
and even if I didn't ask about it, I believe things would ended up like it should be,
like we have it right now.

to my dear man, happy quatre. X

Promise.

You promised me things, a lot.
You promised me that you can be trusted.
You promised me that you'll try your best to be honest all the time
You promised me that this time, I will see you as a guy I really deserve.

I appreciate it, I really do.
Because you showed me that you're willing to be a better person for me.
But somehow I feel bad at the same time.
Because I won't promise those things in return, my dear.
Because I'm afraid I couldn't keep them.
And in the end, those promises will only become bunch of empty words that might hurt you instead.

What I can promise you for now is time.
Time to get to know each other further and better.
So let's play this safe— slow and steady,
and most importantly, certain.

I know, we both might have promised 'forever' to our former loved ones,
and either way we have long forgotten about it, or we have simply given up on that overrated idea.
So let's not talk about 'forever'.
How about 'tomorrow' first?

Tomorrow, I'd love to read 'good morning' text from you when I wake up.
Tomorrow, I'd love to see a pair of your beautiful eyes, perfectly framed with those thick eyebrows.
Tomorrow, I'd love to see your radiant smile, hear your silly chuckles, and gasp to your lovely body scent.
Tomorrow, I'd love to give my hands to you, let them to be touched and caressed by you.
Tomorrow, I'd love to sit next to you, talk about stuffs, or just comfortably share silence together.
Because in the end, what we really have is tomorrow.

And tomorrow I will love you better, eventually.

Before Us

Hi there, love.

Came across this beautiful candid shot of you, taken few months ago before we started going out with each other. Revisited that day when you came in front of my house just to brought me a pack of Milo since I craved (and needed) one; and thank you, still.

It made me think, though, of how pleasant life has been since you're around. Made me even wonder, of how surprising you could fill myself in the right places from the very first encounter. We barely know each other before, yet look where we are now; me and you, trying to work things out together as a mutual bond between two individuals called relationship. It's rather funny and amazing when someone enters your life out of nowhere and suddenly means more, more than the things (or person) you could ever think of. That someone, somehow, means the entire world to you.

Right now, we may be thousands of miles apart (and too bad we couldn't spend time together on January 13th), but it's heartwarming to know that I'm still the first thing that came to your mind (LOL ofc I know this is one of your daily dose of flattery, but nonetheless, I grinned happily like a fool).

It has been officially a month of total happiness. Thank you, A :)
Here's to more joyful months and years together (hey! one can only hope, right?), cheers! Xx

P.S: I miss you quite terribly. Cannot wait to see you soon next week :-(

13

"But falling in love is always a pretty crazy thing. 

It might appear out of the blue and just grab you. 

Who knows—maybe even tomorrow." 

— Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart.

Jadi begini ceritanya.....

Setelah sekian lama (lebih tepatnya sekitar tiga tahun) menjalani pahit dan manisnya kehidupan menyendiri alias single (no, I won't use the word 'jomblo'. Kenapa? Ya gapapa sih, it just a matter of personal choice haha), akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk mulai menjalani sebuah hubungan yang baru dengan seseorang.

So here I am now, in a brand new relationship, dengan seseorang yang dulu pernah menempuh pendidikan SMP yang sama dengan saya. Dulu kami cuman sebatas mengenal lewat OSIS dan ngga kenal akrab juga, istilahnya sih "teman sekedar kenal", yang kalo papasan paling cuman mesem tipis-tipis. Terpisah jarak dan waktu selama bertahun-tahun, ngga pernah berkontak ria apalagi ketemu, entah mengapa pada suatu hari di bulan Oktober ini, tiba-tiba dia mengontak saya lewat LINE. Dan disitulah semua berawal, awalnya agak ngga menyangka kalo ternyata dia orang yang humoris dan menyenangkan, selalu bikin ngakak di setiap chatnya. Padahal seingat saya dulu, dia anaknya pendiam dan terkesan serius. Sampai akhirnya dia mulai memberanikan diri untuk mengajak saya keluar.

Pada saat awal ketemu, saya membayangkan dia akan terlihat jauh berbeda, namun nyatanya tidak. Hanya saja dia jauh lebih tinggi dan terlihat lebih charming (eleuh). Sempat membayangkan juga kalo first meetup ini bakalan super awkward, tapi ternyata ngga se-awkward yang dibayangkan. Deg-deg an pasti, karena ini pertama kalinya saya memberanikan diri untuk mulai membuka hati keluar berdua dengan lawan jenis setelah sekian lamanya. Our first meetup ini ternyata membuka jalan untuk our second meetup, third meetup dan selanjutnya.

Well I didn't know exactly when, but then there it was, the spark, a trace of intense feeling.

Perlahan tapi pasti, semuanya mulai membentuk satu tanda tanya besar dalam benak saya: so this is it?

Selama ini saya mengira saya ngga akan pernah siap, selalu dalam mode 'In Repair' seperti lagunya kang mas John Mayer, karena dari hubungan saya yg sebelumnya meninggalkan banyak pengalaman dan pelajaran yang selama ini saya coba pahami. "Why did it fail? Why did it not work out?" Hal-hal inilah yang terkadang membuat saya ragu, memunculkan banyak 'what if'. Untung, ada sahabat dekat dan mama yang menjadi tempat saya menumpahkan curahan isi hati (eleuh lagi) sehingga membuat saya yakin bahwa saya sudah siap menjalani hubungan yang baru.

Kebetulan saya adalah orang yang sulit untuk percaya, baik mempercayai orang atau mempercayai suatu hal. Tapi entah kenapa, rasanya tidak terlalu sulit bagi saya untuk mulai perlahan membuka diri semenjak mengenal dia. And also, he brings out the best in me, membuat saya berusaha menjadi orang yang lebih baik dari hari ke hari.

So now I'm starting to put my trust and hope in him (and in myself too), that somehow we can make all things work together, for good things work in time and need a lot of efforts too. 

Let's do this together, A ❤

"It was rather beautiful; 

the way he put her insecurities to sleep,

the way he dove into her eyes 

and starved all the fears,

and tastes all the dreams 

she kept coiled beneath her bones."

— Christopher Poindexter.

Twenty Facts About Me

Following the hype of #20factsaboutme challenge these days, and even got tagged by some of my friends in Instagram, I decide to take a part of it. Well these 20 facts are mostly unnecessary, dull and might be tiresome to read as well (duh obviously), but still I'm willing to make a post anyway (see? first fact is revealed, I'm kinda stubborn tho, so please bear with me LOL). Okay, so here's #20factsaboutme :

1. Born as Cintia Larasati on April 3rd 1993. Have several nicknames throughout the years such as Cintia, Kak Tia, Laras, Cipher, Cinto. 

2. As an Aries, mostly I'm straightforward & spontaneous.

3. I'm half Javanese x half Sundanese, but I can't speak both local languages fluently. 

4. I sleep like a log. 

5. Whenever I see cute babies & kids around, I automatically smile from ear-to-ear. 

6. I have two cats, well basically I love animals. That's why I find a man who loves both kids & animals as much as I do is irresistible! 

7. I used to dislike veggies, but now I dare myself to eat it, little-by-little.

8. I have separated compartment in my tummy for sweet treats, especially for ice cream. 

9. Not easily gaining weight even though I eat like a starving pig. 

10. Music is (and will always be) a great thing to deal with; I can't get through a day without listening to music. 

11. Definitely big no to the smell of cigarette smoke. 

12. I dislike anything about k-pop back then in 2011, but it turns out that karma does really exist. 

13. I'm a pro procrastinator, occasionally. 

14. I used to be boyish because I grew up with two little brothers, but now I make an effort to be more lady-like being. 

15. I'm such a timid person when it comes to horror & scary things. 

16. Rarely check on my phone, that's why I (purposely) take quite long to respond to texts or calls. 

17. I have trust issues. Therefore I'm not easily attached to someone. 

18. Insecurity gets the best of me sometimes. I tend to worry about my future. 

19. Some people might think that I'm a bit arrogant, but I'm actually a warm person inside. What you really see is not always what you get. 

20. Would like to travelling or backpacking alone someday.

So, wanna try to unveil yours? ✌️

Yang Tersisihkan

Ternyata emang bener kata kakak angkatan tentang masa-masa skripsi :

 "Semuanya jadi sibuk sendiri, mikirin penelitiannya sendiri."

Yang dulunya kemana-mana bareng, sekarang bisa jadi nggak lagi bareng. Misal nih ya, yang ikutan proyek penelitian A, kumpulnya cuman sama temen proyek penelitian A, udah jarang lagi kumpul sama temen-temen yang lain. Demi masa depan yang lebih baik, tentu apa salahnya ikutan proyek bareng-bareng? Kan ikut proyek penelitian bareng justru lebih menguntungkan. Namun terkadang bagi teman yang nggak ikutan proyek penelitan bareng, rasa kangen suka tiba-tiba muncul gatau diri dalam benaknya. Kadang pula, rasa sedih juga ikutan menghampiri dikala temannya lebih sibuk dan lebih dekat dengan teman proyek penelitiannya yang lain, intensitas ketemu dan sekedar ngobrol ringan seperti dulu semakin jarang terlaksana. Dan perlahan namun pasti, dia semakin merasa tersisihkan.....

But still, teman yang tersisihkan ini hanya bisa bersyukur dan tetap berusaha suportif; terus mendoakan demi kelancaran penelitian teman-temannya, agar mereka mendapatkan hasil yang terbaik setelah kerja keras non-stop ngelab tiap harinya. Teman yang tersisihkan ini nggak mau jadi teman yang self-centered, yang justru malah menghalangi kesuksesan teman-temannya. Lagian, siapa sih yang nggak ikutan seneng dan bangga kalo teman terdekat bisa sukses? Because that's what true friends are for, they will always be happy for each others' happiness, and no matter what, they will always push you towards the great possibilities of your future.

“Best friends are formed by time.
Everyone is someone's friend, even when they think they are all alone.
If the friendship is not working, your heart will know. It's when you start being less than perfectly honest and perfectly earnest in your dealings. And it's when the things you do together no longer feel right.
However, sometimes it takes more effort to make it work after all.
Stick around long enough to become someone's best friend.” 

― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration, 2010

Truth

"What is your truth?"

Whenever someone asks her that, she would always keep her mouth shut.

Truth is something that appears like sweet piece of candy or chocolate when its outer wrapping is off.

Just like skin is needed to protect the blood and flesh underneath; 

A lie was needed in order to protect the truth.

Rather than to remain honest and reveal all her wounds; 

Pasting a bright smile on her face and lying... felt safer for her.

(이웃집 꽃미남 , 2013)

Unrequited Love

How timid and delicate unrequited love is? 
Even though unrequited love finds its own way in; 
It's a love that gets trapped inside, unable to find an exit. 
Even though I'm the one who started it;
It's a love that ends vain without it ever having a purpose,
Never ever even having had the chance to bud or bloom any flowers.
A love that can never bear fruit, like a seed left forgotten;
That is, unrequited love.

(이웃집 꽃미남 , 2013)

Well Said

"You can't be fixed by the same person who broke you"

The Wind

have you ever felt
a sensation of light breeze,
leaving a soft rustle sound,
but without a single trace,
gently sweeping out your face, and went through into your soul,

but you're still asking me why i want to be the wind...

The Waves

that day,
i watched myself easily drowning
in a mighty waves of ocean that go back and forth,
but why i keep staring at you, sitting near the shore,

waving goodbye with an unspoken truth

until the waves curled me away
deep down in the dark seabeds,
but why i keep hearing your shrill voice
calling out my name in a perfect solitude,

or maybe it's just an illusion i want to hear.

A Recent Meetup.

Beberapa hari yang lalu saya bertemu dengan 'seseorang' yang sudah berbulan-bulan (atau mungkin sudah setahun ya?) tidak pernah saling bertemu. Seingat saya, kontak terakhir kami adalah sewaktu 'orang' itu mengirimkan ucapan selamat ulang tahun ke saya bulan April lalu via email (iya, beneran via email --"). Kebetulan 'orang' itu baru aja lulus kuliah dan mau wisuda. But somehow, saya sedikit ragu untuk datang dan bertemu dengan 'orang' itu. "Kenapa sih dateng ke acara wisuda aja kok ragu?". Well, bukan apa-apa sih, karena ada banyak pertimbangan yang harus dipikir matang-matang seperti:

• Pertama, kami sudah jarang (bahkan bisa dibilang tidak pernah) berkontak ria lagi.
• Kedua, banyak teman-teman terdekatnya yang datang ke acara wisuda, dan sayangnya saya juga ngga kenal dekat sama temen-temennya itu. Well, pasti bakalan awkward banget dan bakalan jadi bahan ciye-ciyean, karena...
• Ketiga, 'orang' yang mau diwisuda itu mantan pacar saya.

Nah, bingung kan? Jelas ragu kan mau datang apa nggak?

Sebenernya saya udah punya niatan mau ngucapin lewat sms, atau nitip salam ke salah satu temen saya biar nggak repot-repot dateng dan khawatir digojlokin sama temen-temennya, tapi saya tiba-tiba mikir: "Lah, dateng aja kenapa sih? Wong udah nggak ada apa-apa juga. Kan udah temenan biasa. Masa dateng dan ngasih ucapan selamat sebagai temen aja mesti mikir segitunya?". Intinya, saya cuma mau ngucapin selamat kelulusan ke 'orang' itu dengan itikad baik sebagai seorang teman. Lagian wisuda kuliah temen kan juga nggak terjadi setiap bulan atau setiap tahun, jadi apa salahnya datang langsung memberi ucapan selamat tulus? Betul, nggak? Siapa tau jadi barokah bisa ketularan cepet lulus juga *AAMIIN YA ALLAH*

Dan akhirnya, saya memutuskan untuk datang ke acara wisuda 'orang' itu setelah temen saya memberikan bujukan-bujukan maut agar saya mau datang. Fix lah, saya berangkat ke acara wisuda 'orang' itu bareng temen saya dan kebetulan juga ditebengi sama temennya.

Setelah muter-muter dan mbulet segala macem, akhirnya saya dan 'orang' itu bertemu. Saya inisiatif ngajak salaman duluan sembari ngucapin: "Selamat ya udah lulus", dan dia bilang singkat: "Makasih ya". Jujur ya, suasananya supeeeeeerrrrr awkward. Pertama, kami berdua bertemu tepat di depan HERO supermarket di sebuah mal. Kedua, temen-temennya pada ngeliatin dan ber-ehem-ehem ria. Alhasil, orang-orang yang lagi jalan di sekitar situ ikutan ngeliatin. Belum lagi ada temennya yang pake ngerekam kami berdua lagi salaman. Bayangkan, gimana awkward-nya suasana waktu itu. Even though I tried to be as calm as nothing happened, tetep aja rasanya malu gak karuan ┰┰

Sebenernya kalo boleh jujur, saya jadi agak menyesal datang ke acara wisuda 'orang' itu. Hal yang bikin saya menyesal adalah sikap beberapa temennya yang 'makes me feel a bit uneasy' dengan berbagai gojlokan dan guyonan (yang sebelumnya sudah saya khawatirkan bakalan terjadi, but unluckily it did really happen...). Karena hal itulah, saya justru merasa tidak nyaman; merasa tidak nyaman di tengah situasi yang sebenarnya sudah cukup awkward, maupun merasa tidak nyaman berada di dekat 'orang' tersebut. But it's okay, it was my own call to attend the event, and so be it! It only happened that day though, and (hopefully) I don't have to experienced those awkward moments again.

After I met him that day, I realized a thing: he didn't change much.

Yep, nothing's really change about him. I'm not talking about his looks; but his personality, his habits, the way he talks to me, even the way he handles situations, everything! There is not- even a tiny bit of difference, about those things. It's both good and unfortunate at some points. I though he would change after we haven't met each other for quite a long time. Well, maybe he also thought the same towards me too. Maybe we just never change. Maybe this is just the way we are.

Maybe because... we were like strangers who knew each other very well.

We never change, do we? No, no,
We never learned to leave.

(Coldplay - We Never Change, 2000)

Grey Sky Morning

But it's not so bad

You're only the best I ever had

I don't want you back

You're just the best I ever had

The best I ever had ♬

(Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had, 2001)