Quatre.

to this very day, I still wonder how things are gonna be;
how WE are gonna be if I didn't ask you the question that night, four months ago.
would we still belong together?
or would we end up differently?

been thinking about it for, I don't know, these past few sleepless nights.
what if I didn't ask you that night?
what if I let the opportunity slip away?
what if... well too many what-if(s) to be very honest.

I know I should keep my true thought locked up somewhere,
but I, once again, let myself filled my heart with these uncertain feelings,
and this piece of thought, that we might have grown apart in our own pathways.
(well, even just the thought itself scares the hell out of me..)

but somehow, my (naive) heart is now trying to convince myself that I did the right thing,
asked you the question about us,
about what we were that time.

I don't know where is life taking us,
and even if I didn't ask about it, I believe things would ended up like it should be,
like we have it right now.

to my dear man, happy quatre. X

Twenty Facts About Me

Following the hype of #20factsaboutme challenge these days, and even got tagged by some of my friends in Instagram, I decide to take a part of it. Well these 20 facts are mostly unnecessary, dull and might be tiresome to read as well (duh obviously), but still I'm willing to make a post anyway (see? first fact is revealed, I'm kinda stubborn tho, so please bear with me LOL). Okay, so here's #20factsaboutme :

1. Born as Cintia Larasati on April 3rd 1993. Have several nicknames throughout the years such as Cintia, Kak Tia, Laras, Cipher, Cinto. 

2. As an Aries, mostly I'm straightforward & spontaneous.

3. I'm half Javanese x half Sundanese, but I can't speak both local languages fluently. 

4. I sleep like a log. 

5. Whenever I see cute babies & kids around, I automatically smile from ear-to-ear. 

6. I have two cats, well basically I love animals. That's why I find a man who loves both kids & animals as much as I do is irresistible! 

7. I used to dislike veggies, but now I dare myself to eat it, little-by-little.

8. I have separated compartment in my tummy for sweet treats, especially for ice cream. 

9. Not easily gaining weight even though I eat like a starving pig. 

10. Music is (and will always be) a great thing to deal with; I can't get through a day without listening to music. 

11. Definitely big no to the smell of cigarette smoke. 

12. I dislike anything about k-pop back then in 2011, but it turns out that karma does really exist. 

13. I'm a pro procrastinator, occasionally. 

14. I used to be boyish because I grew up with two little brothers, but now I make an effort to be more lady-like being. 

15. I'm such a timid person when it comes to horror & scary things. 

16. Rarely check on my phone, that's why I (purposely) take quite long to respond to texts or calls. 

17. I have trust issues. Therefore I'm not easily attached to someone. 

18. Insecurity gets the best of me sometimes. I tend to worry about my future. 

19. Some people might think that I'm a bit arrogant, but I'm actually a warm person inside. What you really see is not always what you get. 

20. Would like to travelling or backpacking alone someday.

So, wanna try to unveil yours? ✌️

Yang Tersisihkan

Ternyata emang bener kata kakak angkatan tentang masa-masa skripsi :

 "Semuanya jadi sibuk sendiri, mikirin penelitiannya sendiri."

Yang dulunya kemana-mana bareng, sekarang bisa jadi nggak lagi bareng. Misal nih ya, yang ikutan proyek penelitian A, kumpulnya cuman sama temen proyek penelitian A, udah jarang lagi kumpul sama temen-temen yang lain. Demi masa depan yang lebih baik, tentu apa salahnya ikutan proyek bareng-bareng? Kan ikut proyek penelitian bareng justru lebih menguntungkan. Namun terkadang bagi teman yang nggak ikutan proyek penelitan bareng, rasa kangen suka tiba-tiba muncul gatau diri dalam benaknya. Kadang pula, rasa sedih juga ikutan menghampiri dikala temannya lebih sibuk dan lebih dekat dengan teman proyek penelitiannya yang lain, intensitas ketemu dan sekedar ngobrol ringan seperti dulu semakin jarang terlaksana. Dan perlahan namun pasti, dia semakin merasa tersisihkan.....

But still, teman yang tersisihkan ini hanya bisa bersyukur dan tetap berusaha suportif; terus mendoakan demi kelancaran penelitian teman-temannya, agar mereka mendapatkan hasil yang terbaik setelah kerja keras non-stop ngelab tiap harinya. Teman yang tersisihkan ini nggak mau jadi teman yang self-centered, yang justru malah menghalangi kesuksesan teman-temannya. Lagian, siapa sih yang nggak ikutan seneng dan bangga kalo teman terdekat bisa sukses? Because that's what true friends are for, they will always be happy for each others' happiness, and no matter what, they will always push you towards the great possibilities of your future.

“Best friends are formed by time.
Everyone is someone's friend, even when they think they are all alone.
If the friendship is not working, your heart will know. It's when you start being less than perfectly honest and perfectly earnest in your dealings. And it's when the things you do together no longer feel right.
However, sometimes it takes more effort to make it work after all.
Stick around long enough to become someone's best friend.” 

― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration, 2010

Truth

"What is your truth?"

Whenever someone asks her that, she would always keep her mouth shut.

Truth is something that appears like sweet piece of candy or chocolate when its outer wrapping is off.

Just like skin is needed to protect the blood and flesh underneath; 

A lie was needed in order to protect the truth.

Rather than to remain honest and reveal all her wounds; 

Pasting a bright smile on her face and lying... felt safer for her.

(이웃집 꽃미남 , 2013)

Well Said

"You can't be fixed by the same person who broke you"

The Wind

have you ever felt
a sensation of light breeze,
leaving a soft rustle sound,
but without a single trace,
gently sweeping out your face, and went through into your soul,

but you're still asking me why i want to be the wind...

The Waves

that day,
i watched myself easily drowning
in a mighty waves of ocean that go back and forth,
but why i keep staring at you, sitting near the shore,

waving goodbye with an unspoken truth

until the waves curled me away
deep down in the dark seabeds,
but why i keep hearing your shrill voice
calling out my name in a perfect solitude,

or maybe it's just an illusion i want to hear.