Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Twenty Facts About Me

Following the hype of #20factsaboutme challenge these days, and even got tagged by some of my friends in Instagram, I decide to take a part of it. Well these 20 facts are mostly unnecessary, dull and might be tiresome to read as well (duh obviously), but still I'm willing to make a post anyway (see? first fact is revealed, I'm kinda stubborn tho, so please bear with me LOL). Okay, so here's #20factsaboutme :

1. Born as Cintia Larasati on April 3rd 1993. Have several nicknames throughout the years such as Cintia, Kak Tia, Laras, Cipher, Cinto. 
2. As an Aries, mostly I'm straightforward & spontaneous.
3. I'm half Javanese x half Sundanese, but I can't speak both local languages fluently. 
4. I sleep like a log. 
5. Whenever I see cute babies & kids around, I automatically smile from ear-to-ear. 
6. I have two cats, well basically I love animals. That's why I find a man who loves both kids & animals as much as I do is irresistible! 
7. I used to dislike veggies, but now I dare myself to eat it, little-by-little.
8. I have separated compartment in my tummy for sweet treats, especially for ice cream. 
9. Not easily gaining weight even though I eat like a starving pig. 
10. Music is (and will always be) a great thing to deal with; I can't get through a day without listening to music. 
11. Definitely big no to the smell of cigarette smoke. 
12. I dislike anything about k-pop back then in 2011, but it turns out that karma does really exist. 
13. I'm a pro procrastinator, occasionally. 
14. I used to be boyish because I grew up with two little brothers, but now I make an effort to be more lady-like being. 
15. I'm such a timid person when it comes to horror & scary things. 
16. Rarely check on my phone, that's why I (purposely) take quite long to respond to texts or calls. 
17. I have trust issues. Therefore I'm not easily attached to someone. 
18. Insecurity gets the best of me sometimes. I tend to worry about my future. 
19. Some people might think that I'm a bit arrogant, but I'm actually a warm person inside. What you really see is not always what you get. 
20. Would like to travelling or backpacking alone someday.

So, wanna try to unveil yours? ✌️

Friday, September 19, 2014

Yang Tersisihkan

Ternyata emang bener kata kakak angkatan tentang masa-masa skripsi :
 "Semuanya jadi sibuk sendiri, mikirin penelitiannya sendiri."
Yang dulunya kemana-mana bareng, sekarang bisa jadi nggak lagi bareng. Misal nih ya, yang ikutan proyek penelitian A, kumpulnya cuman sama temen proyek penelitian A, udah jarang lagi kumpul sama temen-temen yang lain. Demi masa depan yang lebih baik, tentu apa salahnya ikutan proyek bareng-bareng? Kan ikut proyek penelitian bareng justru lebih menguntungkan. Namun terkadang bagi teman yang nggak ikutan proyek penelitan bareng, rasa kangen suka tiba-tiba muncul gatau diri dalam benaknya. Kadang pula, rasa sedih juga ikutan menghampiri dikala temannya lebih sibuk dan lebih dekat dengan teman proyek penelitiannya yang lain, intensitas ketemu dan sekedar ngobrol ringan seperti dulu semakin jarang terlaksana. Dan perlahan namun pasti, dia semakin merasa tersisihkan.....

But still, teman yang tersisihkan ini hanya bisa bersyukur dan tetap berusaha suportif; terus mendoakan demi kelancaran penelitian teman-temannya, agar mereka mendapatkan hasil yang terbaik setelah kerja keras non-stop ngelab tiap harinya. Teman yang tersisihkan ini nggak mau jadi teman yang self-centered, yang justru malah menghalangi kesuksesan teman-temannya. Lagian, siapa sih yang nggak ikutan seneng dan bangga kalo teman terdekat bisa sukses? Because that's what true friends are for, they will always be happy for each others' happiness, and no matter what, they will always push you towards the great possibilities of your future.

Best friends are formed by time.
Everyone is someone's friend, even when they think they are all alone.
If the friendship is not working, your heart will know. It's when you start being less than perfectly honest and perfectly earnest in your dealings. And it's when the things you do together no longer feel right.
However, sometimes it takes more effort to make it work after all.
Stick around long enough to become someone's best friend.” 
― Vera NazarianThe Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration, 2010

Truth

"What is your truth?"

Whenever someone asks her that, she would always keep her mouth shut.
Truth is something that appears like sweet piece of candy or chocolate when its outer wrapping is off.
Just like skin is needed to protect the blood and flesh underneath; 
A lie was needed in order to protect the truth.
Rather than to remain honest and reveal all her wounds; 
Pasting a bright smile on her face and lying... felt safer for her.

(이웃집 꽃미남 , 2013)

Unrequited Love

How timid and delicate unrequited love is? 
Even though unrequited love finds its own way in; 
It's a love that gets trapped inside, unable to find an exit. 
Even though I'm the one who started it;
It's a love that ends vain without it ever having a purpose,
Never ever even having had the chance to bud or bloom any flowers.
A love that can never bear fruit, like a seed left forgotten;
That is, unrequited love.
(이웃집 꽃미남 , 2013)

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The Wind

have you ever felt
a sensation of light breeze,
leaving a soft rustle sound,
but without a single trace,
gently sweeping out your face, and went through into your soul,

but you're still asking me why i want to be the wind...

The Waves

that day,
i watched myself easily drowning
in a mighty waves of ocean that go back and forth,
but why i keep staring at you, sitting near the shore,
waving goodbye with an unspoken truth
until the waves curled me away
deep down in the dark seabeds,
but why i keep hearing your shrill voice
calling out my name in a perfect solitude,
or maybe it's just an illusion i want to hear.

A Recent Meetup.

Beberapa hari yang lalu saya bertemu dengan 'seseorang' yang sudah berbulan-bulan (atau mungkin sudah setahun ya?) tidak pernah saling bertemu. Seingat saya, kontak terakhir kami adalah sewaktu 'orang' itu mengirimkan ucapan selamat ulang tahun ke saya bulan April lalu via email (iya, beneran via email --"). Kebetulan 'orang' itu baru aja lulus kuliah dan mau wisuda. But somehow, saya sedikit ragu untuk datang dan bertemu dengan 'orang' itu. "Kenapa sih dateng ke acara wisuda aja kok ragu?". Well, bukan apa-apa sih, karena ada banyak pertimbangan yang harus dipikir matang-matang seperti:

  • Pertama, kami sudah jarang (bahkan bisa dibilang tidak pernah) berkontak ria lagi.
  • Kedua, banyak teman-teman terdekatnya yang datang ke acara wisuda, dan sayangnya saya juga ngga kenal dekat sama temen-temennya itu. Well, pasti bakalan awkward banget dan bakalan jadi bahan ciye-ciyean, karena...
  • Ketiga, 'orang' yang mau diwisuda itu mantan pacar saya.

Nah, bingung kan? Jelas ragu kan mau datang apa nggak?

Sebenernya saya udah punya niatan mau ngucapin lewat sms, atau nitip salam ke salah satu temen saya biar nggak repot-repot dateng dan khawatir digojlokin sama temen-temennya, tapi saya tiba-tiba mikir: "Lah, dateng aja kenapa sih? Wong udah nggak ada apa-apa juga. Kan udah temenan biasa. Masa dateng dan ngasih ucapan selamat sebagai temen aja mesti mikir segitunya?". Intinya, saya cuma mau ngucapin selamat kelulusan ke 'orang' itu dengan itikad baik sebagai seorang teman. Lagian wisuda kuliah temen kan juga nggak terjadi setiap bulan atau setiap tahun, jadi apa salahnya datang langsung memberi ucapan selamat tulus? Betul, nggak? Siapa tau jadi barokah bisa ketularan cepet lulus juga *AAMIIN YA ALLAH*
Dan akhirnya, saya memutuskan untuk datang ke acara wisuda 'orang' itu setelah temen saya memberikan bujukan-bujukan maut agar saya mau datang. Fix lah, saya berangkat ke acara wisuda 'orang' itu bareng temen saya dan kebetulan juga ditebengi sama temennya.

Setelah muter-muter dan mbulet segala macem, akhirnya saya dan 'orang' itu bertemu. Saya inisiatif ngajak salaman duluan sembari ngucapin: "Selamat ya udah lulus", dan dia bilang singkat: "Makasih ya". Jujur ya, suasananya supeeeeeerrrrr awkward. Pertama, kami berdua bertemu tepat di depan HERO supermarket di sebuah mal. Kedua, temen-temennya pada ngeliatin dan ber-ehem-ehem ria. Alhasil, orang-orang yang lagi jalan di sekitar situ ikutan ngeliatin. Belum lagi ada temennya yang pake ngerekam kami berdua lagi salaman. Bayangkan, gimana awkward-nya suasana waktu itu. Even though I tried to be as calm as nothing happened, tetep aja rasanya malu gak karuan ┰┰

Sebenernya kalo boleh jujur, saya jadi agak menyesal datang ke acara wisuda 'orang' itu. Hal yang bikin saya menyesal adalah sikap beberapa temennya yang 'makes me feel a bit uneasy' dengan berbagai gojlokan dan guyonan (yang sebelumnya sudah saya khawatirkan bakalan terjadi, but unluckily it did really happen...). Karena hal itulah, saya justru merasa tidak nyaman; merasa tidak nyaman di tengah situasi yang sebenarnya sudah cukup awkward, maupun merasa tidak nyaman berada di dekat 'orang' tersebut. But it's okay, it was my own call to attend the event, and so be it! It only happened that day though, and (hopefully) I don't have to experienced those awkward moments again.

After I met him that day, I realized a thing: he didn't change much.
Yep, nothing's really change about him. I'm not talking about his looks; but his personality, his habits, the way he talks to me, even the way he handles situations, everything! There is not- even a tiny bit of difference, about those things. It's both good and unfortunate at some points. I though he would change after we haven't met each other for quite a long time. Well, maybe he also thought the same towards me too. Maybe we just never change. Maybe this is just the way we are.
Maybe because... we were like strangers who knew each other very well.

We never change, do we? No, no,
We never learned to leave.
(Coldplay - We Never Change, 2000)

Grey Sky Morning

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had 

(Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had, 2001)