13 x 6.

No, it is not a post about multiplication or math problem.

It is a little appreciation post about me & my boyfriend's six months-versary (?)
I know it's waaaaay too late to post about it (almost two weeks has passed since June 13th tho). I got plenty things to do, my thesis proposal is getting more complicated, got no time to write on this blog and other excuses blahblahblah that's why I didn't make it on d-day, but I guess it's better late than never, right?

Anyway, he gave me a little surprise that day. A bucket of pretty flowers.

It may seems nothing special but the thing is, he's not really fond of flowers. Even though I kept asking for it and told him many times before that I really f-a-n-c-y flowers, he never gave me once, not even on my birthday — well.. at least he finally did it. Never knew he could turn to be this romantic kind of guy on our special occasion. He even told me that my smile was kind of unforgettable that day, right after I saw those flowers :))))
So here's my lame (and also cringe-worthy) attempt to express my feelings for him:

To the one whom I spent most of my times with for the past six months;
Who holds my hand and take me to this on-going awesome journey;
Who sticks with me through ups and downs (in terms of my current mood LOL);
Who appreciates me for who I really am;
The person whom I think about the first thing in the morning and the last thing at night;
Who makes distance seems short and bearable lately (still trying my best tho);
The one who encourages me to become a better person;
Whose affection elevates me;
And whose arms protect me from bad things and sorrows.

Selamat tanggal 13 yang ke-6. I love you, Agi.
Let's spend more time happily together! ❤

Quatre.

to this very day, I still wonder how things are gonna be;
how WE are gonna be if I didn't ask you the question that night, four months ago.
would we still belong together?
or would we end up differently?

been thinking about it for, I don't know, these past few sleepless nights.
what if I didn't ask you that night?
what if I let the opportunity slip away?
what if... well too many what-if(s) to be very honest.

I know I should keep my true thought locked up somewhere,
but I, once again, let myself filled my heart with these uncertain feelings,
and this piece of thought, that we might have grown apart in our own pathways.
(well, even just the thought itself scares the hell out of me..)

but somehow, my (naive) heart is now trying to convince myself that I did the right thing,
asked you the question about us,
about what we were that time.

I don't know where is life taking us,
and even if I didn't ask about it, I believe things would ended up like it should be,
like we have it right now.

to my dear man, happy quatre. X

Promise.

You promised me things, a lot.
You promised me that you can be trusted.
You promised me that you'll try your best to be honest all the time
You promised me that this time, I will see you as a guy I really deserve.

I appreciate it, I really do.
Because you showed me that you're willing to be a better person for me.
But somehow I feel bad at the same time.
Because I won't promise those things in return, my dear.
Because I'm afraid I couldn't keep them.
And in the end, those promises will only become bunch of empty words that might hurt you instead.

What I can promise you for now is time.
Time to get to know each other further and better.
So let's play this safe— slow and steady,
and most importantly, certain.

I know, we both might have promised 'forever' to our former loved ones,
and either way we have long forgotten about it, or we have simply given up on that overrated idea.
So let's not talk about 'forever'.
How about 'tomorrow' first?

Tomorrow, I'd love to read 'good morning' text from you when I wake up.
Tomorrow, I'd love to see a pair of your beautiful eyes, perfectly framed with those thick eyebrows.
Tomorrow, I'd love to see your radiant smile, hear your silly chuckles, and gasp to your lovely body scent.
Tomorrow, I'd love to give my hands to you, let them to be touched and caressed by you.
Tomorrow, I'd love to sit next to you, talk about stuffs, or just comfortably share silence together.
Because in the end, what we really have is tomorrow.

And tomorrow I will love you better, eventually.

Before Us

Hi there, love.

Came across this beautiful candid shot of you, taken few months ago before we started going out with each other. Revisited that day when you came in front of my house just to brought me a pack of Milo since I craved (and needed) one; and thank you, still.

It made me think, though, of how pleasant life has been since you're around. Made me even wonder, of how surprising you could fill myself in the right places from the very first encounter. We barely know each other before, yet look where we are now; me and you, trying to work things out together as a mutual bond between two individuals called relationship. It's rather funny and amazing when someone enters your life out of nowhere and suddenly means more, more than the things (or person) you could ever think of. That someone, somehow, means the entire world to you.

Right now, we may be thousands of miles apart (and too bad we couldn't spend time together on January 13th), but it's heartwarming to know that I'm still the first thing that came to your mind (LOL ofc I know this is one of your daily dose of flattery, but nonetheless, I grinned happily like a fool).

It has been officially a month of total happiness. Thank you, A :)
Here's to more joyful months and years together (hey! one can only hope, right?), cheers! Xx

P.S: I miss you quite terribly. Cannot wait to see you soon next week :-(

13

"But falling in love is always a pretty crazy thing. 

It might appear out of the blue and just grab you. 

Who knows—maybe even tomorrow." 

— Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart.

Jadi begini ceritanya.....

Setelah sekian lama (lebih tepatnya sekitar tiga tahun) menjalani pahit dan manisnya kehidupan menyendiri alias single (no, I won't use the word 'jomblo'. Kenapa? Ya gapapa sih, it just a matter of personal choice haha), akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk mulai menjalani sebuah hubungan yang baru dengan seseorang.

So here I am now, in a brand new relationship, dengan seseorang yang dulu pernah menempuh pendidikan SMP yang sama dengan saya. Dulu kami cuman sebatas mengenal lewat OSIS dan ngga kenal akrab juga, istilahnya sih "teman sekedar kenal", yang kalo papasan paling cuman mesem tipis-tipis. Terpisah jarak dan waktu selama bertahun-tahun, ngga pernah berkontak ria apalagi ketemu, entah mengapa pada suatu hari di bulan Oktober ini, tiba-tiba dia mengontak saya lewat LINE. Dan disitulah semua berawal, awalnya agak ngga menyangka kalo ternyata dia orang yang humoris dan menyenangkan, selalu bikin ngakak di setiap chatnya. Padahal seingat saya dulu, dia anaknya pendiam dan terkesan serius. Sampai akhirnya dia mulai memberanikan diri untuk mengajak saya keluar.

Pada saat awal ketemu, saya membayangkan dia akan terlihat jauh berbeda, namun nyatanya tidak. Hanya saja dia jauh lebih tinggi dan terlihat lebih charming (eleuh). Sempat membayangkan juga kalo first meetup ini bakalan super awkward, tapi ternyata ngga se-awkward yang dibayangkan. Deg-deg an pasti, karena ini pertama kalinya saya memberanikan diri untuk mulai membuka hati keluar berdua dengan lawan jenis setelah sekian lamanya. Our first meetup ini ternyata membuka jalan untuk our second meetup, third meetup dan selanjutnya.

Well I didn't know exactly when, but then there it was, the spark, a trace of intense feeling.

Perlahan tapi pasti, semuanya mulai membentuk satu tanda tanya besar dalam benak saya: so this is it?

Selama ini saya mengira saya ngga akan pernah siap, selalu dalam mode 'In Repair' seperti lagunya kang mas John Mayer, karena dari hubungan saya yg sebelumnya meninggalkan banyak pengalaman dan pelajaran yang selama ini saya coba pahami. "Why did it fail? Why did it not work out?" Hal-hal inilah yang terkadang membuat saya ragu, memunculkan banyak 'what if'. Untung, ada sahabat dekat dan mama yang menjadi tempat saya menumpahkan curahan isi hati (eleuh lagi) sehingga membuat saya yakin bahwa saya sudah siap menjalani hubungan yang baru.

Kebetulan saya adalah orang yang sulit untuk percaya, baik mempercayai orang atau mempercayai suatu hal. Tapi entah kenapa, rasanya tidak terlalu sulit bagi saya untuk mulai perlahan membuka diri semenjak mengenal dia. And also, he brings out the best in me, membuat saya berusaha menjadi orang yang lebih baik dari hari ke hari.

So now I'm starting to put my trust and hope in him (and in myself too), that somehow we can make all things work together, for good things work in time and need a lot of efforts too. 

Let's do this together, A ❤

"It was rather beautiful; 

the way he put her insecurities to sleep,

the way he dove into her eyes 

and starved all the fears,

and tastes all the dreams 

she kept coiled beneath her bones."

— Christopher Poindexter.